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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273052">after longest night and coldest days ; spring and the sun always return</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaol/pseuds/Chaol'>Chaol</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Lucien Vanserra-centric, M/M, POV Lucien (ACoTaR), Poor Lucien Vanserra, Tamlin The Tool, lucien and tamlin talk about their issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:49:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273052</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaol/pseuds/Chaol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>just a bit of a --- lucien vanserra feelings purge i did unprompted?? which really - honestly -- did nothing but make me wanna write him more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tamlin &amp; Lucien Vanserra, Tamlin/Lucien Vanserra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>after longest night and coldest days ; spring and the sun always return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lucien could have winnowed, there seemed few wards for his old friends' protection, there were no guards to watch him now. The red haired fae walked along the paths he’d once ridden at the highlord's side, yet now he did not even know if he would be welcomed. Lucien was caught between two worlds who did not truly have a place for him, here where his only friend had sheltered him from his family - and a world with Feyre where he’d never wanted to fit in. There was too much… deception for him to feel comfortable in her home. </p><p>	He had never agreed with how Tamlin had grown to treat Feyre after her experience under the mountain, he’d never known how to help - but for her to betray the friendship that had grown between them… To cast such a web of lies and destroy Tamlin in this way --. Yet he cannot let himself forget the role Tamlin held in the story, he cannot let friendship cloud his vision. </p><p>	A breath as he steps into the house, rubble still lay in the hallway, vines and thorns bursting through windows and walls. Nature reclaiming the court that had at times been home, had at times been cruel, had always been stable. His feet remembered the path to the dining room, and there sat Tamlin at the head of the table, hunched in his chair - flies on the food that sits uneaten on the table, the only thing not coated in dust a goblet and decanter half empty of sweet wines. </p><p>	Green eyes that ought to shine with the warmth of spring rise lifeless to meet Lucien’s half golden gaze - the autumn male can feel the contempt pouring off Tamlin. Lucien had come from the night court, he brushed at his cheek self consciously, as if the shimmer of its night still clung to his skin. </p><p>	“Has she sent you then? To gloat? To crow? You chose the winning side old friend, well done.” </p><p>	The venom in his words take Lucien by surprise, a half step backwards -- </p><p>	“Feyre did not send me no. She is not my high lady. She is -- a friend. Well, we are working on that. I find myself -- seeking something outside of her world now. You know I did not leave you willingly. I found myself with no choice. And then the war --” </p><p>	Lucien knows he doesn't owe him an explanation, he knows that Tamlin is in no state to listen. Yet he finds himself - lost as to how to restore what once was so important to him. Or at least -- to find something new that could perhaps grow again to friendship. </p><p>	“You’re not happy there?” Tamlin seemed almost cheered by that.</p><p>	“Feyre has found a family, and I do not wish to interject myself.”</p><p>	“The sister -- she’s your mate isn’t she?” </p><p>	“Elain -- yes.”</p><p>	“Or are you letting the shadowscarred bat fuck your mate?” A hateful sneer from the drunken Spring lord. </p><p>	Yet it ignites something in Lucien, lips lift in half a snarl --- the name of his mate didn’t belong in a disrespectful highlords mouth. Control reigns in the fire that flames to life in his hands. Tamlin isn’t worth it. And that thought is sobering enough.</p><p>	“Elain didn’t choose me. Elain was a human girl, with a human broken heart, who was forced to become something because of a war that wasn’t her own. Who she finds comfort and friendship in -- is not my business. It is her life. And I will be respectful of that. Respectful of her.” There’s a tenseness in his posture that could snap in a moment, Tamlin seems to respect that.</p><p>	“Taking lessons from the high prick himself then?”</p><p>	“Do you really not realize that you benefited from his decision to walk away from Feyre after the mountain? You fucked that chance with her Tamlin. You told her to ignore her powers, you ignored her grief, her fear, her trauma, you wanted a veneer of normalcy I understand that…” A crease in his brow as he searches for the right words, hands raising to tangle in his hair as he pushes it back from his face in an outlet for nervous energy. “Feyre was dying here Tamlin, dying with us. Ianthe was torturing her, you were smothering her, and I was expecting her to go back to how she had been. But Feyre may have become a fae - but she was a human. With a human heart, and human fears, and human loves. We did not do her justice to what she had done for us. I may well not like Rhysand, but I am thankful every day when the sun still rises and the world around me still exists -- that he took Feyre from us. Because she saved the world, and he was man enough to stand back and let her.” </p><p>	This rant has left Tamlin looking shocked, as if the words had at last sunk in. The fight drains from the spring lord and he just nods. Reaching for the goblet and draining it in a single gulp. Self pity isn’t a pretty state for any, but Lucien realizes with clarity - that Tamlin has often made tragedy about him, even when it wasn’t just his. Seeing his friend as he now did, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Yet there was still the desire to bridge the gap between them. </p><p>	It is Lucien who speaks again, “So if walking away from my mate -- lets her become the kind of person she wants to be? Then every ounce of agony away from her will be worth it. If not being a person in her life, and not forcing that on her -- gives her the happiness she certainly destroys, then I will find the ends of the earth and I will get over my ego and sorrow. I will not punish those around me, I will not act out because I don’t get my way. I have a nigh immortal life, and so does she - I can only hope that sometime in that life - when the trauma of what has been forced upon her fades, and she feels safe in this confusing world -- that maybe she will be at least willing to know me.” There’s a breath at last, he didn’t realize quite how he felt until it was put into words. Yet the knowledge of his conviction steadies him, surprised however as Tamlin nods. </p><p>	“You are the kind of mate she would do well to want. You have always been a good man Lucien, a good friend --.. Better than I have often been.” Tamlin raises his eyes from the empty goblet, meeting the golden mechanical eye and Lucien’s own golden gaze. Unwavering as he held Lucien’s gaze -- rising from his chair where he’s slouched, he extends his hand in offering friendship again.</p><p>Lucien takes his friend’s hand, other one clasping his forearm. Tamlin draws him into an embrace. And for once, differences, war, disagreements, betrayals, and lies all fall away. There is a beginning to be made. With both entering with clearer heads and an eye for a future where things were different. </p><p>	Drawing back at last - “I have missed you old friend. I have missed -- Spring time. Have you thought about … renovating?” Lucien eyes a vine that has burst through one end of the dining room and twined around the chandeliers.</p><p>	Tamlin laughs, a deep true laugh - his head thrown back in it -- “Are you saying I’ve let myself go Lucien?” </p><p>	A fiery brow arches, hands still clasped with Tamlin’s, a smile pulling at the edges of his mouth. “I’m saying it’s time to rebuild. Spring is the time of renewal. Through darkest nights, and coldest winters -- Spring and the Sun always return.” </p><p>	Tamlin grips his friends arm tighter, a breath -- “By my side Lucien?” </p><p>	The male nods, his gaze unwavering. “By your side.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed it ! it's just a bit of a little scene i think should totally happen in canon. i might write more of them one day?? but im prepping for nano so. YA NEVER KNOOOw &lt;3 leave a like or comment if you enjoyed it !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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